The One Chronicles

You Make Me Smile

In the most unexpected place, I found happiness, comfort and contentment.

For the longest time, I feel like I’ve been holding myself back from being in the moment, enjoying my time with the people around me and the circumstances that unfold in front of me. I have never felt more welcome in someone’s presence – treated for who I am and what I can be.

Thank you for today. Whether you know it or not, you really made my day and placed an almost irreplaceable smile for weeks.

 

Daily Thoughts · The One Chronicles

Collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

– Howie Day

There has been much thought, discernment, prayer and perhaps a little chaos that has been on my mind for the last couple of days.

It all started last Thursday and Friday, when a rather surprising confession revealed itself to me, shaking me off the steady ground I’ve always been on for the past few years.

I’ve always known that I am a goal-oriented person: I get things done, I am self-motivated, and for the most part… I am still very much eager to pursue my dreams in life.

My journey started four years ago when I made the decision to take the leap of faith to drop everything, and pursue my passions and my dreams.

I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am today, yet still – I still feel incomplete. I still feel that I am not enough.

A good friend of mine had given me a wake-up call last Thursday, December 15, 2016: making me realize all the things I was too scared to admit to myself:

I always tried so hard to be everyone to the people I care about. I cared so much about them that I forgot about myself. Despite all the things that I’ve been through… and all the awesome things I have accomplished all these years, I still feel I am not enough… I still feel that I am not there yet. I am not worthy to give myself the success and the love that I have always longed for… 

The only thing really stopping myself was me.

I didn’t believe in me.

I didn’t think I was worthy.

That was a feeling I would never forget. All my pent up emotions suddenly came out like water that was overfilled in a jar. I didn’t know why it hit me so much… I was expecting harsh words and disciplinary actions from my good friend – after all, that was his character to others.

It felt so strange to me that he showed me with such kindness, that it even made me question whether he was just saying that to make me feel better.

But I quickly realized that perhaps I didn’t need harsh words anymore. I didn’t need any more pep talks about discipline, motivation, or a change of perception.

I already beat up myself at a daily basis… he probably sensed that I didn’t need anymore than I already do to myself.

It felt so good crying that day – just letting all my anxieties and worries out. It felt so good to accept that I was still broken, still a little scarred from all that’s ever happened, but that’s okay.

It’s okay.

It’s not too late to stand up again and make myself a better person.

It was during that day that I really made a strong decision to myself that I would not bring myself down like that anymore. I would not be haphazardly going through life like I did 4 years ago, thinking I can do it all myself.

The truth is, I can’t – and now I’m okay with that fact.

That’s what people are for – to help and support me in my journey.

It was during that day I really decided to change my life for the better.
No more aiming too low, no more disbelief – only pure trust, faith, belief, love and the certainty that I am able to do what I need to do.

I can do it. I can… and I will, and I am.

But you see? It’s absolutely funny how life works… in the midst of all the realizations and the truths I came to accept on that very day… as the next day unfolded, it was almost an instant answer from the universe and God himself…

It was almost as if they were just hiding the answers until I was ready.

It’s definitely, absolutely funny how life is.

 

Just when I finally was open to meeting somebody, but wasn’t really looking for anyone…

You came into the picture.

At this point, I tell myself, why not? There’s nothing to lose.

I still get this uneasy feeling around me – but perhaps that’s just my thoughts and my past haunting me. I guess I’m still scared to let myself go and be in the open again: to be vulnerable and to offer myself – even just with friendship.

 

I definitely feel Howie with his song…

The more I try to deny it, the more I try to hide it…

Out of the doubt that fills my mind,
I somehow find you and I…

Collide. 

The One Chronicles

The One Chronicles: Career Crush

It’s been a while since I’ve written here. I still need to update this section in case my memory fails me… at least, I’ll know where my heart fluttered or did not flutter to!

Going back to the man of the hour… I can only be so bold to post this because I know he does not know my personal rant site….

But I still have some sort of decency, so I’ll place a read more tab to those who want to filter out some cheesy things from this post.

Continue reading “The One Chronicles: Career Crush”

The One Chronicles

The One Chronicles: Superman and CC

Happy Saturday! Well, yesterday.

I will, from this point forward, title all my posts relating to my romantic life (or lack thereof) – The One Chronicles.  It will mostly be me ranting about some boys, and there may be a lot of them. My friends have been pushing me to make a digital copy of my interesting stories, so I thought, hey, why not?

It might be quite bold for me to even write this…. but who cares? It’s nice to get it off my head from time to time.

So please read at your own risk. It may end up hurting your eyes.

Nonetheless, enjoy the ride!

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Continue reading “The One Chronicles: Superman and CC”

Daily Thoughts · The One Chronicles

The One Chronicles: Mr. Mower Man

First of all, Happy Mother’s Day!
Second of all: He said hi! 😁

To refresh you, lovely stranger on what you’ve missed…. here are some updates.

FB Update 1:

To the mystery person who always mows our lawn: Thank you for doing what you do! I’m resigned to the fact that you do your wonderful deed in secret at the wee hours of the morning (or evening) for I never see you doing such a crazy, obvious task. But thank you still for being a good person and a good neighbour. I don’t know who you are, but even if I don’t, I want to thank you for being a blessing and making a difference in your own, unique way 😀

FB Update 2:

Mystery Mower Man strikes again! You’ve started this trend about a year ago and I thought that was the end of it, but today you had mercy on our field of (weeds) flowers and took matters in your own hands.
Please show yourself, mystery man. I am already highly intrigued by your peculiar actions.

Seriously… who are you, Mr. Mower Man?

Ever since I moved to my new house in 2013, I was very happy that our lawn was smaller in size.

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(Not my actual house  – but just a picture of the neighbourhood in the winter, and a depiction of the size of each house’s individual lawns. As you can see, the lawns of each houses are interconnected. This will be a key fact to know later on in the story and will explain the validity of Mr. Mower Man’s existence)

It all started in summer of 2015 when my lawn was cut without me having to mow it. I initally thought… did my Dad do it? My brothers? But it turns out they never did. It was either I was the only one home – or we were all out.

This mystery person who cuts our lawn was always so secretive – he
.. or she always cut our lawn at times nobody was home.

You know, I am thankful for this person. It’s one less thing I have to do in my every day life but sometimes I wish he or she would pluck our weeds and beautify our back garden too. 😁😂 ….

Yeah. Alright. I’m asking too much from heaven’s blessing.

For a long time my family has been trying to calculate and guess who the mystery mower might be… until one day, my momma bear saw the angel with her own eyes.

“Mr. Mower Man.”

Mr. Mower Man who lives two houses over. Mr. Mower Man who cuts our lawn for free. Mr. Mower Man who probably cuts his lawn and as a friendly gesture, extends this kindness to include our lawn…

But most importantly Mr. Mower Man… you are drop dead gorgeous.

This mystery man has been faithful at cutting our lawn for almost a year now. I see him from time to time, but we never really talked, nor did I ever have a chance to properly thank him.

One day, I did get a chance to say hi to him as I passed by his house and to the driveway where my car was.

Today as I was cleaning and deweeding the front lawn of our house, dressed in the best gardening gear with mud all over it, Mr. Mower Man was outside, walking around my proximity. Sometimes I noticed him, sometimes I didn’t.

And when he walked past me again, I decided to look up from the ground and to this lovely angel.

He smiled, and he said hi. 😊👋

Oh Mr. Mower Man.
Will I ever get to see you again?

The One Chronicles

The One Chronicles: J M

May 5, 2016.
An analysis of the previous day.

I still have yet to do a daily (not to mention weekly) analysis on my activities these past few days of May.

Project 30 is off to a good start – but it’s difficult to put numbers on it right from the get go. I’ve fallen off the wagon, discipline wise but I’ll get it back. This week I’ve learned it’s great to do the previous day’s accountability the next morning.
Right now, life is a whirlwind, and playing catch up could potentially hurt my business more than help it.
Maximize your time, April. Maximize your time.

All it takes is a little push to do what you don’t want to do.

My business today was great: I got a chance to get to know one of the local directors quite well. She helped me talked to an older Hispanic lady. Observing her and how things worked, my faith and confidence were restored. My future is starting to look brighter and better.

I really realized… I’m never alone. I can finally work on my strengths, and delegate and learn my weaknesses.

The unification of the directors in my area was probably the best move in my whole career. As an area, we are stronger and better.

Later on that night, I also had a chance to visit my dear friend and her new family. Her daughter was only just a week old…. and she was the most precious thing in the world.

Looking at something so strong yet so fragile, all my worries were wiped away. All I cared about was this little angel in my arms – sleeping, and breathing ever so softly. She was so precious….. I love her already. 😥

But really… on to the more personal and more cheesy aspect of this post….

My friend’s husband, T, casually suggested for me to meet his friend,  J. At this point in my life, I’m an open book, so I didn’t mind it too much.

What really struck me though as I was driving home was this mystery man’s name: J M.

Last time I liked someone, those were his initials too. It didn’t end so well: it was a one sided feeling however… I know for a fact that I’ve told myself before that I’d end up with someone whose name starts with J.

It seems pretty interesting to me that this new character is also J M, and appeared at a time I least expected him to.

At this point however, I’m not going to expect anything, but at least it gives me one more reason out of the million things in my mind that will make me smile before I sleep.

Tell me, J M, could it be?