June 09, 2016.
Words cannot fully express my thoughts and emotions this night as numerous news and revelations broke down on me like thunder.
Read on if you care to listen to my rambles from the deepest part of my hearts.
The day started out pretty well: got my morning workout in, conquered more than 80% of my advanced speech manual, and managed to hand out two books instead of the one a day I promised myself.
After adoration and a quick chat with a friend, I proceeded to take a rather pleasurable walk to buy necessities in the grocery store (yes I sometimes find that therapeutic.)
It was the things that happened after that really killed me.
Several business challenges presented itself that really put me in a difficult situation. Just when things were doing so well… hiccups happen along the way that made me just want to cry and shout. I felt so defeated and I felt so weak…
Am I not working hard enough? Am I not putting enough?
And as we got home, my brother hurriedly rushed upstairs to tell us more breaking news… My cousin has a chronic heart disease and is admitted to the hospital again. The doctors said he was in critical condition and his time may be short.
As much as I want to mull over things, I know nothing can be done if I keep worrying. Worrying will do nothing. You know what they say, tough circumstances build tough people. Perhaps my patience, my strength and my courage are all being tested.
It is after all, the darkest point in the night just before dawn approaches.
Worrying, in my faith, usually means that I don’t trust God enough.
It means that I don’t trust His greater plan for me.
April, just surrender everything to the Lord.
Let all your worries, your doubts, your losses, your sacrifices… your everything all up to him.
When He closes one door, He will open one other door that is much bigger and bountiful than what you have previously received….
Little one, just surrender.
And fully surrender.